A Austitic and his imaginary freinds

the retirement 2010 a short film by joseph

2010-08-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

The retirement
a short film by Joseph Taylor
the story of a bureaucrat who own cynicism leads him to a sea of red tape

so i wrote this in a appeal to veiw my film
yah see i have no money to submit my films
so i beg the so called judges to view my film based on its merit not on my pocket book
anywya i sent this letter along with all my dvd copys

My name is joseph taylor

im a struggling filmaker

i worked for 2 years saving up 10,00$ to fund and create this film.
i sacrificed a lot to make this film, and

all my films really. now as a artist i tried very hard

to make in my opinon a decent film of my own script and time

with limited resources and time in between my job. in effect im asking you

to please take a look at my film "the retirement" and the xtra short collage peices

i have also attacthed.
me like the rest of the country is going through some
economic hard times .
my whole life i was told im no good and will amount to nothing.
it took me a while to decide to become a
film maker it took me even longer to decide to give my self a chance.

i worked really hard following my heart and my dreams to make films in my own vision
in my own way.

i am askign you to take a chance with me
and im also asking for your help to help me as a strugglign artist and a devoted
film maker to help me make somehting better of my self.
and so i offer you this proposition
if you take a look at my films and decide they are worthy of your festival
than i will gladley pay the submission fee. but i can't in good conscious
pay 60$ to somebody who will just toss my dvd in a trash bin .you see i do
not know for sure if they
are even bothering to even watch it. so all i ask is a little commuication

and a little feedback.
i will be happy to pay a submisison fee after you
take a look at my little films and tell me what you think.
talk to me, give me feedback, respect, and some time.
I know this is unorthadox ,but take this for example
does a painter approch a gallery and have to pay the
gallery owner 80$ to look at the art before they even get a response?
does a garage band approch a club and have the club
owner tell them to pay the club owner 80$ to play in said club?
why as film makers who spend all their money on making a film and are left broke why
are they diffrent . I understand the desire for the film fest to pay its fees also but
maybe we both can benifit this way instead of just one of us .

i ask you to judge me on the merits fo my experimental film AND NOT
on if i can pay the sub fee. Is this just to much to ask?
like i said i will absolutley pay
when i know you are giving me a chance. and maybe also
we will both make a new freind.

-your new freind joseph taylor
http://www.youtube.com/user/sacrificialtotem
heytravil_nomad@yahoo.com

Review of the swap meet part 2 day 2

2009-09-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

so this older korean woman had boxs and boxes of these things.. undead celebritys

i like where she put the price tag on Monroe

under her on the plaque it says "still sexy".

beyong tiny stautes of dead elvis statues she had

WIGS

MILLIONS OF WIGS

SHE WAS ALSO SELLING ICE FOR YOUR GRILLS.

PATRIOTIC ICE FOR YOUR MOUTH

WHATS NOT TO LOVE ABOUT THE SWAP MEET ? AND WHATS THE SWAP MEET WITH OUT PLASTIC BOXES FULL OF

MCDONALDS TOYS THAT NO KID WILL EVER BUY

BUT ALSO TRANSFORMER RIP OFF TOYS IN BAD ENGLISH.. IM NOT ONE TO TALK ABOUT GRAMMR THOUGH

THE MOST POWERFUL SUPER COMBINED IN HISTORY. FORMER SUBDUNG EVIL'S DIMOND

OR BOXES OF OLD VHS TAPES AND NEON GREEN 80S POKER VISORS AND OTHER ASSORTED JUNK IS DECOMPOSING BOXES

MORE JUNK

WHO DOES NTO LIEK UNTANGLE WIRES? I MEAN I HATE TO UNTANGLE WIRES. AT THE SWAPMEET YOU CAN FIND HUNDREDS OF BOXS OF TANGLED WIRES

A SHOP RUN BY VIETNAMESE PEOPLE SELLING LIKENESS OF FIRST NATIONS .. MADE IN CHINA

THE ACCUMULATED JUNK OF THESE PEOPLES LIVES .. LAYS IN SAD PILES IN FRONT OF THE DESPERATE FACES

My review of the Swap Meet

2009-09-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

ahh yes the swap meet in tacoma a place i grew up in i watched it go form a place where rednecks sold confederate flags and pow mia flags to now where they sell confederate flags and pow mia flags. a lots changed from the 80s .

but in all honesty it has changed a bit less veitnamese people and more mexicans but still its a fun eye feast of piles of junk..

i found one guy sellign items form a storage unit somone could not pay their rent on.. now its contents strwed in the parking lto of the swamp meet

all items in this box 1.00$ its fillld with with dead spiders and alredy colored coloring books

and yet another box full of komo tv ice scrapers.. (komo tv isa local shitty news channel )

this was jsut box one of thousands of these things...

wtf were they for? i mean who has that many ice scrapers made ?, weird .

my favorite was the boxs of old used medical instruments.. most of them really rusty..

nothing like old rusty medical equimpment 1.00$ each. should have seen the look on their faces when i bought some of it.

but all the piles of weird junk was nto as interestign as i thought it would be

actully the stuff inside the swap meet was better. some really weird (handcrafted) items form a chiniese factory were pretty interested. like who the hell would find this thign cute.?

lip stick on a pig? and high heels ... ok ...

i love army toys i dont know why i jsut always have. heres one i found really interesting

TRoops.. i have no idea why the TR is capitalized.

i like his italian flag.

but i guess being italian makes you lack a sense of propourtions

i mean look at the size of his gun as relatize to his hand?

also his raft.. my god hed look like 30 lb man sittign ina kiddie pool in that thing..

i mean he would ride that raft like a skateboard...

actully he just sink..

i found so many statues of jesus it was a little insane.. all made in china..

the kingdom of heavin is yours for 25.99

one guy was selling tons and tons of mexican wrestlign masks

i dont know why or what for. or why he thought tacoma wasa good place ot unloada

truck load of luchadore masks

one old korean woman was selling really tiny statues

some were soemthign liek skulls others were mice dressed as pimps really bizzare stuff

like little mice dressed as tony montana. and 1970s pimps

they were so dam tiny i had a hard tiem taking their picture before she began to yell at me

2009-08-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

MY REVIEW OF THE DOLLOR STORE

2009-08-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

yea the dollar store a place every poor kid dreads and a place every batchleor thanks god about
i thought i would go to my local dollar store a place i dread. a place of cheap toys cheap food.
the food is probably made up form the ground up toys no one bought.
i wanted to go in and take a review of the food and toys and kinda show this weird sie of american consumerism. al lthe cheap chines junk and really low quaility food also made in china with genric lables and no attempt at all to make it look appitising . a sad place a place that is the battle ground american class and economic warfare. likea world war one battlefeild .
we enter the

well almost eveyrthigns a dollor.. although i could nto find one thign that was not over a dollor.
the first section i entered in going clock wise was the toy section
the toy section was pretty sad mostly comprisign of cheap chinese gi joe rip offs. but looking like someone who has not ever really seen a gi joe in the first place made it form a discription .

"speical mission"
whats the mission to uncross his eyes and fix his broken nose?
and hte fat under his chin that layer of hanging flesh curtan
looks like he jsut had gastro bypass .
well his comrades came home in a plastic body bag it seems the special mission was a failure

the distant state of gulf war syndrome (PTSD)

I SEEN SOME THINGS MAN
the real war this guysa a product of is the war in globlization of china.
as i turn to go down the next isle i found the junk nick nak isle. a place where any low income famly can re decorate their house with these wonderful artiststic sculptures
they really give a sense of class and style. and if by style you mean visualy tourturing.

wtf is this supposed to be anyway?.
he looks like hes slowly melting.

i honetly had to leave that area it made me sick.
so wich brings us to food.

yah 1,00 mac and cheese. sunshine harvest. fake powdered processed cheese and noodles made form shredded up newspapaer pulp. wel lthats what it tasted like.
i bought some soup with it

thank you brand soup.... no thank you

the premire loney poor working class person meal, a bowl of ramen noodles

now have you ever eaten a food that says "simulated flavor"?
wtf does that mean simulated flavor is thatl ike artifical flavor?
well if its trying to simulate the taste of bus stop bench it worked, but it says "beef" ill have to inform them of this mistake.

but nothing beats a pound of fig bars. "daddy rays" generic disgusting fig bars. eat three of these and your instantly dehydrated and chokeing running for somehting to drink
i swear these have sand in them, how the hell can they be so fuckign dry.
they taste ok though not to bad.

now for the dvd reviews
sorry for the pictures the dvds are coveredi n celophane tons of it i dont know why.
note i have no bought these i could not brign my self to pay 1$ for them they jsut odnt seem worht it and apperently noone elese does look at this shit what kid would want to watch it

"scruff first tiem on DVD" and prolly its last time. if it made it to the the purgatory that is the dollor store its over for scruff he got put down .( i mean he moved to a nice family out in the country)
sky surfver strike force..
mountian of fear.... the mountian of fear is prolly what the investors felt when this when stright to the dollor stroe 1$ bin.
Westward HO is a video i did see itsa racist peice of shit video about the glory and wonder and ritches the europeans brought to america., it was a kid sing along with singing indians and spanish conquistadors. falling in love the top says "classic fables"
yeah thats about right.. whats next a holocuast sing along with the title classic fables.

also little bear wakes up early.. so i know what happened here. no kid wants to wake up early and no kid wants to watchign a fucking movie about waking up early . i mena come on. as i kid i hated to wake up early
so no one bought it right to the 1$ bin
yah ok the lighting and moutian of celophnae makes this hard to see but let me help ya
the one on the irght says "christ" but it looks like it says christi from where the sticker is placed.
like when i saw it i thought it was about osme woman named christi. but no its about christ.

and the other is about fishing for albacore. and apperently as seen on CBS. i dont know who saw this on CBS when was the last time you saw fishing on prime time TV. ? must have been like on at 4:00 on asunday morning nothign i like mroe than over 2 hours of fat rednecks in a small boat farting and feeling superiour to fish. i can guess the audio sounds somethign like this
redneck one " woo boy look at that one"
redneck 2 "boy ill tell you you what man"
repeat over and over agian for 2 hours.

part 2 is on the way stay tuned

aklso new dvds on sale now

2009-08-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8qGnhNIzIo&feature=channel_page

2009-04-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

joseph and his imaginary friend pete.. talk a bit with you the viewers

new video

2009-03-24T14:05:00.001-07:00

my head felt likea house on fire

2009-03-21T13:58:00.000-07:00

the conception of joseph part 2

2009-03-17T17:09:00.000-07:00

the male body the brother the father. the son

vauge dissatifaction with life

2009-03-15T00:38:00.001-07:00

i lost somehtign and i cant remeber what it is

2009-03-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

i didnt use to feel this way
i feel really strnage on the one hand i feel kind of depressed beacuse i feel i have no social network or support network
i feel like i am alone. a antisocial artist in a attic making shitty little films
thinking about his own past.

i feel a growing a depression , i feel soemthign deep in me broke and i feel like my stregth is saped by it.
like i lost something and i cant remeber what it is.

i have been workign non stop on conceving joseph part 2 but its like hte only thing that keeps me going , its like this shiny little treat i can go and work on when hte depression gets to much i cant fall into it

its al about music and becxomign a man juxtopositioed to fandom and music and fatherhood and manhood.
i feel its agreat acomplishment although im sure no one will like it but me

i feel like al lmy so caleld freinds are out ot get me im getitng paranoid. i think back to all the time i spent back in tacoma and how many of these people stabbed me in back it felt like and others who really did support me. i know who my freinds are.

i feel likem y own recusivness has left me depressed and with outa network . i feel vulrable and low self confedince. im not sure where to g ohere
i feel not good enough and people will judge me as i get older i have little to show for my work

Dead fingers talk

2009-03-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

AH grew up ina very christian household

somethings i think happened to me but i cant remeber not do i know for sure.

in many ways i felt that there were to much buried in my mind.
but figured it would be to hard to and dark to even lookinto

there was alwaysa sea of chemecals to drown out the darkness and swim i nthe sunlight
\
i grew intoa fine yet unmemorable young man a strnage young man who prefred imginary freinds to real ones

although i found out recently i havea kind of PTSD.

form somehtign that happened to me.
i can only guess on what cuased it from the millionso f shitty things that happened to me as a kid
it left me with lots of nager guilt and feelings of persecution and paranoia

recently i have taken the feeling of lonelyness by people i thought were my freinds not comming to my support reopend horrible feelings inside me.
like a old rusty bridge collapsing

all i ever wanted was to be loved by freinds but all i ever got was the dead mask of distance from them i wanted a fater too all i got wasa corpse to idenify at the mourge.

post card from hell

2009-02-24T19:20:00.001-08:00

so its been a while since i made one of these.
so i spent most of the winter months stiitin at my computer typing the word
LOL on forums and in responses to jokes i really don't find funny. but i use slang and jargon because i like to be part of something im really not a part of , and act like i care about people who dont give a shit about me in real life.
i didnt even notice i gained some extra baggage.

time had passed me by and all i had to show for it was a worn out Bauhaus cd and lots of coke bottles.
i was depressed and down i won dered how did i come to this

but lets go back a few monnths.
you see all this happened when i lost my job
i always worked well with children
until that one incendet

i was fired but found a new job as a judge on a little miss Tennessee beauty pagent.

but the work was not steady

i found a new job asa professional Christmas card model.
but my heart was not in the job.
what was wrong with me?
i was at the top of my game

i had women who loved me
lots of money and fame but

something was missing

Maybe it was food. it had always filled the void of my being before.

i gaine d30 pounds in weeks. i was fat and sassy.
one day while eating 40$ worth of food at burger king my typical lunch i realized no its not food . its music. that i loved. that was my dream. although it took me 40 years to relaize my dream.
i was going to join a heavy metal band.

to be continued

the end ?

2009-02-18T11:45:00.001-08:00

2009-02-17T11:13:00.000-08:00

tonight i admitted my wife to the mental ward ofa hospital i came home and found her latest suicide attempt a failed one at that .
i had came homeand found she had placed all her pilsl in one jar and filled it with milk and began to drink it. i smahed the glass on the floor and took her to the ER
all night i held her hand as she confided in me she had wished i didnt come home and wished that she were dead. instead of with me.
the strange comings and going of the phyche ward
the man mummbled behind me. "
my heart broken and excited
the twin impulses of desire and love
i felt a hidden fact had been reveialed i had been givin a choise to contune to not know my self
a lack of charity a sense of pride at my own failure and defeat
i sat in her hospital room holding her hand . a s the sun set in the west.
the rooms blue pain i followed its coloer to a window the swindow had somehtign liek deep ingraned blood smear and fingernail scrapings. the red sunlight fell through the cracks in the window.
a mad man sat at atable talkign to him self

i began to melt agian i began to lower my defences at the cosat of her health i finialy
began to crumble and i was left with my self a disgusting peice of filth i saw my self as a unfeelign selfish monster who in order to protect him self had put htis barrer that did more harm than good

a very american america

2009-01-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

jospeh the little preacher.

a preatcher to the hethuns a preahcer in the wildo fhte northwest

a body with self made hole in it

2009-01-12T21:48:00.001-08:00

a story about taocm washington

2008-12-28T02:52:00.000-08:00

found some footage of tacoma form the 1940s thought i would upload it

A coat made of disease

2008-12-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

and crown made of fingers.
his mouth a open sore
his thoughts flew and scattered like ravens.
he approached the labyrinth of a straight line. he was always approaching.

on the table sat the ceramic life size statue of a nude child.
its body covered in tumors. its legs open.

fluids of the transexualized body

2008-12-24T11:15:00.000-08:00

in my sceond attempt at a art video i created
conceving joseph part one
in it im trying to looki at how male and female white fluids crated my body.how milk which i cannto produce created me nad how seaman and sweat contunie to to come out of a post puberty body. and how a white fluid can construct the idenity of a man.
this is part one i want to make part 2 and 3 which i have scritps for but it wil lcost way to much.
in part 2 joseph gets married and in part 3 joseph has children.
the cycle of what is called a man
if you like this please fee free to donate so i can make part 2 and and 3

George Bataille eyesand aztec blood sacrirfice

2008-12-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

when i lived in athens. i would find kiosks with native american dream catchers and ceramic states of native americans smoking pipes under a tree.
curiously i picked up and underneath i found a gold sticker "made in china"
but we are not here to talk about globalization instead i wanted to talk about perceptions of native American culture in the western world
and the romanticize of said culture
in any radical meleu you will ehar a alot about batille.
in battilles essasy extinct america
in the circles of radical america. you sometiems ehar the name
George Bataille
looking at that cheap porcelin image of the native american as the savge form the wilderness in soem romanitc state.
it reminded me
european obsession with aztec death and sacrifice. and the european attatchement that sacrifice and is somewhat negetive and that the pre columbians were a bunch of barbarians and monsters.
to George Bataille the aztecs are a engima. civlized yet enganging in human sacrifice.
as though the two were diometricly oppsoed.
to George Bataille. it was a inversion of chrstian values.
in the peice George Bataille facinated with aztec violence travels to mexio jsut to say authentic aztec experenice has vansihed.
wich i think isa really western and raceist way to to look at the aztecs
batille describes aztec culture as a contunius crime commited in broad daylight.

he goes on to say they havea a "excessive" taste fro death
wich he goes on to explain lead totheir downfall.
no it was not spanish genocide and conquest
not it was their own culture wich had different vlaues to the west thats hat it was
he goes to sya to understand the aztecs the onl yway to do it is through sade.
you got to be kididng me. a aristocract fro ma coloinal power.
is the only way to understand a colonized people.
he goes on to call aztec citys human slughterhouses juxtopositoned with gardens and flowers.
and batille says the aztecs were the bloddiest people to walk upon the earth.
he msut be joking.
to quote him
"they died suddenly like crushed insects"
battile main idea in this is that their luft for blood lead them to be crushed by the spanish as though a kind of catholic guilt for their sinds. the spanish beign the embodyment of guilt .
battile was a total disapointment to me in this. i think hes overrated always have sincei read story of the eye.
i have read everything George Bataille wrote. hes jsut overrated.

No you dont know me

2008-12-20T19:43:00.000-08:00

here is my submission to the summer art festival in Athens Greece.

from the press release

"from the German word "museal" has a unpleasant meaning it describes objects to which the observer no longer has a vital relationship and is in the process of dying museum and mausoloum are etonomicly connected their market value leaves no room for the pelsure of looking at a object - theo adorno

"no you don't know me" is artist Joseph Taylor submission to the July art festival.
in this Joseph uses a nauseating sound juxtaposition with with shakey video to give the viewer a uneasy feeling .
in the words of the artist
" this piece is meant to play on attack on the viewers senses
placed inside the museum is a space of comfort viewing and security
where this piece placed in in the museum causes a disruption of space.
a deterrotorialization of the museum clean space.
the idea is to disrupt the very European idea of the museum
a very capitalist and colonialist space. a ideological apparatus set to uphold certain hegemonic relations and values.
a museum is a questionable place. where the artist
can show his cultural and creative superiority.
take for example taxidermy it makes a dead thing look alive. same with a museum
once a object has been named "art" by a specialist or the market, it loses it cultural value and becomes aesthetics object. and is palces is a dead place like a museum
the aurua of authenticity and originality isi n the museum
and it has a huge monetary value but no cultural value once in the museum
and its reproduction only has no monetarily value but some what a cultural value in the form of postcards and posters.
so im saying we are not artists until a specialist tell us we are or we are not artists until the market says we have a value

so Iam not a artist until someone "owns" me or soemone "buys" me

A typewriter made of human teeth

2008-12-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

it was a curious machine.
as she placed her hands upon human teeth that made up the keys of the old Underwood typewriter
her fingertips touched the yellowed teeth. each one

one even had a cavity

as she began to type. it was not words that appeared on the white paper but dental imprints
she soon was writing out a code.

then nine winds of the west

2008-12-17T23:24:00.001-08:00

the shamans drum

Anatomy of a illness

2008-12-16T14:42:00.000-08:00

the following is a imaginary disease i created
the photos are by me
no all imaginary friends are corporal some are made of germs on such freind is called
" the man who walks west" hes a new imaginary friend i just met
he didn't have much of a body but hes made of of germs and microscopic tissue
here you will see him showing him self to us in his native form .

the illness which affects the victim cause

*small black round tumors to grow and than fall out of the mouth and other orfaces
* a whiting of the skin
* black lines to appear on the face

here is subject zero before and after

before

"the man who walks west" enters the subject and it begins to change its habitists face unto its own
the same way a person carves a face on a stone. the original stones face is gone and the new face begins to appear.

the change is subtle

As the "man who walks west" begins to see through the eyes of its host

its first words are hello, and tells us hi name

"the man who walks west" stops speaking as it becoems diffcult to do so as the small black tumors
begin to appear and fill up the mouth with in munites they fall out of the subjects mouth.

so begain a long friend ship with the imginary freind named "the man who walks west"

more to come

Statues of salt

2008-12-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

Statues of salt
whats that sound
its a train i recorded going form portland to tacoma

the focus of this video is native American issues.
the poem i write with it goes as follows
a man surrounded by four walls of flesh in the house of illness.

he walked with a coat made of headaches.

the rotted wood crumbled before his inquiring hands. behind the black wood lay a few twisted grubs. my fingernail punched their soft white flesh.

on the other side of the evening
he approached the repeating mirror .

it always stuttered the same ugly face. his own .

on the other side of the night
he built his totems with his own hands his hands now splinted and scared from carving his own face.
the subject is native identity and forced memory
take for example prousts remembrance of lost time and involuntary memory.
the way memory's that are not necessarily ones we chose to remember but seem to remember us so to speak.
a memory that is like a shared cultural memory created by a sometimes single but most times multiple representation ( for example a photograph a movie etc)
the memory becomes something form the outside preformed and placed inside of your senses.
and we unknowingly take part in the coununation of a cultural stereotype or media construction . it than begins to form things liek jokes everyone in the culutre can get ( for example
the video its self is a about two representations of the native American
one is the European view of a people in some kind of historical Nobel savagery a romantic static image n time . even the modern native is seen in this light liberals and the right alike. see the Indian in this historicized light of 19 century untouched way colliding with modern American integration
so you have 2 constructed images of the native American as the tee pee buffalo hunting plains Indian which is the dominant view. which hides other types for tribes and their lifestyles. i.e. inuit and Salish tribes and Apache in the southwest.
so in short you have these 2 very static constructed images created by Europeans of native American as a historicized late 19 century static image removed form reality like a novelty image sold and resold over and over again .
but thsi is avery social approch to unvoluntary memory this will be my starting point to a much more subjective approch to memory time and consccousness.

A new beggining

2008-12-14T12:10:00.000-08:00

after thinking about making a blog for a long time
but out of fear of exposing my true self to others.
WHY I HATE BLOGS
most blogs i have been to because they are subjects im interested in
are people writing about other people.
most blogs i seen are very specific blogs for people who can relate to a specific cultural kitsch
that somehow relates to your experience as a middle class liberal.
well this is my attempt to write for the first time about someone nobody has ever written about
ME
a half Indian autistic video artist in a wet rundown old lumber town .
i personally find my life boring and fascinating at the same time
ill be doing video review book review takings my my experience as a angry person who grew up on food stamps poor on a reservation with no father and no hopes except a broken dream.
i think my views will be more radical and more insightful than any political theory or cultural commentary you will ever read. because im not in a ivory tower or reading about other people and posting my thoughts about those people on the internet im jsut going to repoert my desirres my lfie as a half the tiem homless person on my own ancestors land . and as a austitic person who even other austicis dotn like beacuse i dont fit their category of what a austitic is

in this you will meet my imgarny freinds
all of them
some thingsi n this blog may seem dark and disturbing to you
well to me its nto dark its just who i am and im come to terms with it ..have you?

Destroys mankind of the sunrise....

She piles up heads on her back

She ties up hands in her bundle....