tonight i admitted my wife to the mental ward ofa hospital i came home and found her latest suicide attempt a failed one at that .
i had came homeand found she had placed all her pilsl in one jar and filled it with milk and began to drink it. i smahed the glass on the floor and took her to the ER
all night i held her hand as she confided in me she had wished i didnt come home and wished that she were dead. instead of with me.
the strange comings and going of the phyche ward
the man mummbled behind me. "
my heart broken and excited
the twin impulses of desire and love
i felt a hidden fact had been reveialed i had been givin a choise to contune to not know my self
a lack of charity a sense of pride at my own failure and defeat
i sat in her hospital room holding her hand . a s the sun set in the west.
the rooms blue pain i followed its coloer to a window the swindow had somehtign liek deep ingraned blood smear and fingernail scrapings. the red sunlight fell through the cracks in the window.
a mad man sat at atable talkign to him self

i began to melt agian i began to lower my defences at the cosat of her health i finialy
began to crumble and i was left with my self a disgusting peice of filth i saw my self as a unfeelign selfish monster who in order to protect him self had put htis barrer that did more harm than good